Alexander Gordon
so I have a phone again

so I have a phone again

brb gonna buy an iphone 6

270! What a dream come true!

thank you. we did it again. here we are, we’re now making it into the upper echelon. we’ve crossed over a big barrier and we did it with you, with your mouse clicks we now have 270 followers. that’s a big deal. I’m so thrilled you can probably hear it in my voice. well, you can’t; you can’t hear my voice. but boy is it exciting to be at 270! this must be what it feels like when you’re one of those surfer guys and he finally gets that big wave and he goes to himself “fukyeeeeeeeeea!! tonar! gnarly wave! dude!” and then he sees a shark inside the wave and the shark winks at him. each time I get a new follower I get an email from tumblr. my goal is to get so many of those fucking emails that I get tired of them. but I haven’t gotten tired yet and I hope I never do. wait I just said I do. fuck. you know how you’re driving and you see a really hot girl in the car next to you and you think to yourself “man I wish she was texting me instead of her boyfriend piece of shit.” well that’s how this feels. I kid you not. I am not making this up. it feels that good. and what’s next? what’s not next???!? that’s what I ask you. we’re gonna go another 270. that’s right, whatever that math works out, that’s what we’re getting to some day. so thank you, and keep following. with love from my heart to yours. specifically, you pressing the follow button.

lizis2spooky:

Sean Bean dies in everything because it’s the universe trying to correct the hole ripped in it due to the fact that his name doesn’t rhyme when it should

the rest is blood, fat, muscle, organs, and bones, which are gross. most of you is gross

the rest is blood, fat, muscle, organs, and bones, which are gross. most of you is gross

There is no way I am in other people’s way as much as they are in mine

reading a game of thrones is really weird and nice because everyone is still alive how fascinating 

If you get too sassy we will tape your bitch ass to the wall

If you get too sassy we will tape your bitch ass to the wall

I hate this commercial like this woman just walks up and eats his hot pocket wtf I woulda hit her ASK NEXT TIME, FUCK 

I hate this commercial like this woman just walks up and eats his hot pocket wtf I woulda hit her ASK NEXT TIME, FUCK 

original-plastic:

Homosexuality is unnatural! It says so in this book where snakes talk, people come back from the dead, a guy walks on water, and a virgin has a baby.

It’s so dreadfully immoral, now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got to go sell my daughter to her rapist. 

Sometimes I see a popular post and I’m like, “if I wrote that, you wouldn’t have reblogged it.”